she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
