I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
