the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
