All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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