Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
