I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
