i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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