i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Randomize
