Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
