You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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