The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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