You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
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