First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
