u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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