my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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