nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
