So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
there is glitter all over my balls
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
