Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
