Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
