just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
