I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
