thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just took my morning after pill in the library
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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