I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Randomize
