im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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