HIV tests are more positive than that guy
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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