i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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