yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
