Don't you send me to vm
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
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