Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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