That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
