ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
