Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
