My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
