every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
