He kissed a someone with a penis
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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