I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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