I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
