I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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