Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
This is the high leading the old right now
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Randomize
