if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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