What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
