Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
