Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
