We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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