She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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