u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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