Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
