When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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