She went from zero to smokin in five shots
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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