I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
