Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
