we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
