Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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