dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
