I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
