she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Operation Purity has been aborted
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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