we're chasing vodka with high fives
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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