She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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