Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
