I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
