i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
