I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
