PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
