I think my fart just growled at me.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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