Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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