I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
