Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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