did you get engaged???
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
