I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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