i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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