i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
