She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
We need to rekindle our bromance
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
