I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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