everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
