Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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