I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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