My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
