Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
