Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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