My liver just broke up with me...
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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