Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
