puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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