WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
