Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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