I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize