great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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