You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
