i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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