was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
