fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
