I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
