it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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