So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize